I am upset about the fact that my fiance is not a virgin!
Question: I am a 30-year-old man, I recently got engaged to a woman through an arranged setup. After a few days of conversation with her, I came to know that she is not a virgin. Since I am a virgin, I could not digest the fact that she isn’t. Now, my mind is filled with thoughts of her past relationship. Please suggest me how can I handle this situation, as am not interested in breaking
our impending marriage. – By Anonymous
Answer by Swekriti Bhatnagar: Heartiest congratulations on your engagement. I cannot even imagine how stuck you must be feeling at this point. Looks like this information has come as a sudden blow to you and it is understandable and natural for you to have these thoughts. It is good to know that you are sure about taking this relationship forward and are able to make this decision on your own. Talking about your concern, it is important to understand how does that news, of her not being a virgin, make you feel. Does it make you feel angry, cheated, hurt, uncomfortable and so on. Identifying the emotion will help you understand what is it about her past relationship that keeps you occupied and is bothering you. Every worrisome thought usually stems from an underlying fear or insecurity that needs to be identified and addressed.
You might want to keep this thought to yourself but it might surface again in the future. What will help here is to have an open conversation with your partner about how this is worrying you and that you would need a little time to work on it. This might give out a sign of you wanting to call off the wedding but that assurance has to come from you. You are going to enter in a new phase of life and hence it is important to set the ground right so that this does not affect your married life. This will not only give you the space to vent out your worries but at the same time open up the opportunity to clarify certain doubts/apprehension that you might have. Hope this helps!